actually, I'm a sock model
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
