This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
