so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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