I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
