it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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