i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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