he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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