My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
