my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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