The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
