My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
