That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize