he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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