Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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