I think I am morally bankrupt
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
