every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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