I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
