i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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