Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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