she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
