You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
