watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
