My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
