just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
