Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
