all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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