This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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