Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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