Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
