Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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