What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
