You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
