he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize