that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
