don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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