Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
