I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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