My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
