So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
