Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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