I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
