Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
