'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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