I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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