His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
