I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
