Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
