It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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