So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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