It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I had to cum in my sink.
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