i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
