he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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