The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
