If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
