I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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