good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will be naked everywhere
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
