How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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