Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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