So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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