I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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