We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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