When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
