Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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