You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
