Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
