I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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