I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
