they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
