Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
