i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
