Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
