Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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