I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
