you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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