U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
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$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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