He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You're like the curious george of whores
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize
