Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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