we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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