dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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