it wasn't lemon gatorade
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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