I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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