thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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