I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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