come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
