I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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