it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
