so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
