Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
