Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
